1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a
copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim and Duke, I went to the gun shop for more
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer
took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
CJ

classic! My dad's gonna love this one